So you’ve read part one of how the patriarchy enables men to duck accountability in their interpersonal relationships! (To read part one click this link!)
If part one resonated and left you wondering what to do about it all, here is part two with some balancing points of self reflection broken down by sign!
Men, if you find yourself guilty of using patriarchy to duck accountability in your interpersonal relationships, consider these points, broken down by sign!
When someone communicating with you makes you feel uncomfortable or angry and you feel your body get hot with the intensity of your emotions, take a step back and take a deep breath. If you can’t calmly continue the conversation, communicate that, and then do what you can to ride through your emotions and develop a communication strategy that is more sustainable
An important exercise Taurus men can often overlook is to consider what sources you value insight from that are not you. Notice the makeup of the sources you consider valuable—do they look, talk, act and live just like you? How often are you listening, like really asking and taking time out of your life to listen to the women you value? How do you treat people society has maligned? Have you cultivated an environment of consistent receptivity so people in your life feel comfortable sharing hard things with you?
You need to pay very close attention when people who love you communicate their needs to you. Your next fixation should be on understanding how to recognize when someone is communicating their needs to you and continually renewing your commitment to that flexibility around the needs of your loved ones lasting into all the iterations of you that come next. You need to be willing to leave people whose needs you cannot flexibly accommodate alone.
Emotional management is the name of your game! The first thing a Cancer man should do when he becomes cognizant of his tendency to use others as emotional managers is to learn how to identify what his own needs are with people who have consented to help him through that journey. Like a therapist. Or an energy healer. Or an astrologer. ;) I trust in your ability to build out the consenting support system you deserve Cancer man!!
You need to decide what you are going to do to develop a regular practice of incorporating vulnerability into your life. How can you orchestrate meaningful moments of vulnerability into your relationships? If your first impulse is to roast yourself or dip into Cancer man’s bag to project your unprocessed emotions outward in hopes people will receive this as vulnerability—then consider finding an emotions coach to identify what practices can help you. If nothing else, read Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame.
Every little moment where you can choose honesty—even when it’s hard—is a moment where your brain has the power to rewire itself toward something different. There isn’t an external source out there that can compel you to stop lying to others or to yourself when you are afraid, but there are tons of resources out there awaiting you—like DBT, EFT, EMDR, etc—if you want to explore your fear and transform your relationship to it. Stretch into the expansive capacity of choosing to do something different than what feels comfortable and see what honesty can do for you!
You will never find yourself at the bottom of some else’s glass. Get comfortable with the idea that learning to witness yourself and be witnessed by yourself is going to guide you so much farther than validation and confirmation from external sources. If you can spend more time in your day pursuing inner self exploration instead of churning through your external sources of validation, you will feel better and you will find the right relationships that you actually want to last longer.
Pain is a part of the human experience. Pain is not something that you can bear by yourself, even if it is true that nobody else can hold your pain for you. Stop looking for someone to hold your pain in an interpersonal setting and find a consenting therapist! From a trauma informed counselor to a psychiatrist to a sex therapist, to an esoteric acupuncturist, find someone who has honed in on the craft of building a container to facilitate processing pain. When you feel supported in processing your pain, explore what relationships that aren’t predominantly oriented around wielding your pain can look like.
Go where your chaos is welcomed, Sagittarius man! If you are engaging deeply and then replacing people who do not mesh well with your unpredictability and low stakes commitments, you are a mess factory! Find people who are comfortable receiving what you have to offer! When you meet people who you feel can grow with you, communicate directly to them when things change! It could all be so simple Sag Man! Why would you rather make it hard?
You need to research the negative physical and social consequences of negative self talk. Commit to quitting the negative self talk! It won’t happen overnight but it won’t happen at all if you don’t keep getting back on the positive self talk horse every time you catch yourself fallen off! The ripple effect in your life will literally leave you in disbelief if you can commit to the pursuit of positive self talk for long enough.
Care should be the only concept turning around in circles in your mind if you felt called out by part one! What do people do for you in your life that makes you feel cared for? What have people done in the past? Have you been reciprocating care back to the people who care for you? Have you been reciprocating care in the way you like it done, or the way the people in your life want to be cared for. Have you ever asked how the people you care about want to be cared for? Will you commit to caring for them in the way they ask?
Find the limits to your existence Pisces man! Where do the wants, needs, and whims of other people end and where does your own unique radiant emanation begin? That is the defining line that you need to be cognizant of! You need to identify who are the teachers who can help you find this line and keep in touch with its ebbs and flows!
If you resonated and want to continue this conversation in a way that feels deeply personal to you, click this button below to book a natal chart reading with me!